Monday, March 01, 2010
i actually made a mental note to write to you at least monthly.i'm surprised i haven give up on you.
anw, i just wanna pen it here
cos i dun wanna to FORGET.
gosh the feeling is so overwhelming
right now i think i can cry talking about it
i couldnt help
i couldnt contain my happiness
when i finally laid my hands on YOU, finally.
i wanted to run to the beach and scream and dance
you dont even belong to me,
i dun have the slightest clue about which brand offers the nicest image,
or how to switch on the camera,
or how to set to the optimal conditions for a shot.
but
i just know it.
when the adrenaline rushes through me.
its like. ORGASM.
nah. corrected. IT'S BETTER THAN ORGASM.
it felt so good in my hands,
i dint want to hand over you to another
simply ecstatic.
felt that i haven practised enough in my life.
i want more. i din want to stop.
and when i did.
i did so cos i had to.
cos i know i was being selfish since it wasnt even mine to start with.
i need to be contented.
so i had to rest.
my hands were tired from all the carrying,
my heart wasnt.
and i wasnt contented.
at that point,
i felt i needa snap more photos to get better.
this isnt working out: it's just not going the way i imagined the photos to be.
truth was. i din take any great shots.
great disappointment.
i wanna take photos,
just that.
just thinking of it makes me sad.
and i am really genuinely sincerely touched beyond words
when i can really snap a good photo.
and the definition of good is for me to decide.
like.
the whole world doesnt exist.
it's only you and the camera conquering that image,
and it's just feels so awesome when you know you did it just the way you wanted.
i wanted to feel that way.
otherwise, i snapped more.
but nothing makes up for that lost moment.
god god god.
i'm so damn overwhelmed.
and tragically sad.
does anyone feel this way?